You’ve been to the mall. You’ve shopped online. You’ve exhausted all of your holiday gift ideas. You’re just not finding the holiday gift that screams “boyfriend who won’t stop watching sports” or “mom who slaves away over a hot stove every night.” You feel yourself growing more impatient as the days slip by. The holidays are breathing down your neck.

Don’t you dare cave and buy that tin of flavored popcorn or the green-and-red snowflake sweater. And for goodness’ sake, step away from the fruitcake. That’s a move of pure desperation. It says, “I didn’t even try.” You’re above that.

If you can’t take one more minute of crowded malls or difficult-to-navigate websites, stick with us. We’ve got you covered, whether you’re looking for foodie gifts, a Christmas gift for your boyfriend, or a fun Christmas gift for the whole family. When word gets out about your gift-giving prowess, everyone will want a spot on your holiday gift list.

Your Coworker Who Just Moved From Chicago

You weren’t sure about the new guy in the office at first. After all, how did he end up with the corner office when you’ve been working for it for years? But once you get to know him and hear his stories about the Windy City, you realize he’s not so bad.

The Magnificent Mile. The Chicago Bears. The Cubs. Chicago has a lot going for it.

What could be a better Christmas gift for Chicago enthusiasts than an authentic Chicago-style pizza? You don’t have to send your new colleague back to his hometown for a taste of an authentic Italian pie: You can bring Chicago to him with Giordano’s pizza. It could be just what he needs to get over feeling homesick and really feel like he fits in with the team. Get your other colleagues to chip in and get him a group gift. And hey, if the boss is paying, convince him to spring for the six-pack of stuffed Giordano’s pizzas so the whole office can join in. Think of it as a team-building exercise to make your new coworker feel at home.

Your Boyfriend Who Lives for Sports

How can he possibly sit still and stare at a screen for hours on end to watch his favorite sports team when he starts getting antsy just thinking about sitting through a short romantic comedy with you? We won’t even attempt to break down the inner workings of a sports fanatic’s brain, but we can serve up some ideas for their perfect Christmas gift. You’ll score some major points by using his sports obsession as the theme for his holiday gift.

Perhaps you need ideas for Christmas gifts for a Chicago Cubs fan. Or maybe you’re on the hunt for a Christmas gift for a Chicago Bears fan. Consider one of these sports-themed holiday gift options:

• New Cubs or Bears gear: Every fan needs his favorite Cubs hat or lucky Bears jersey to wear while watching games, whether he watches the games live in Chicago or from the comfort of his recliner. Plus the new gear might convince him to finally toss that old, smelly Chicago gear he still insists on wearing. If his closet is fully stocked with his favorite team clothes, opt for something functional like a set of Chicago Bears pint glasses.
• Memorabilia: If your sports fanatic just can’t let go of the past, put a piece of sports memorabilia under the tree. You may have to search a bit, but you’re sure to make his holiday with an autographed ball, a baseball card featuring his favorite player or another piece of sports history. Once he stops drooling over the sports memorabilia, he’ll realize just how much you love him and pay attention to what he likes.
• A trip to Chicago: It’s never too early to start thinking about the next baseball or football season. Plan a romantic trip to Chicago for your Cubs or Bears fan. If you can’t wait until the next sports season to take your trip, you can still see the stadiums: Both Wrigley Field and Soldier Field offer tours during certain times of the year. And once he gets his sports fix, you can hit all of the hot Chicago shopping spots and night clubs. It’s a win-win.
• A Giordano’s pizza: Can’t take your sports-fanatic boyfriend to Chicago? Bring Chicago to him with a Giordano’s pizza delivered to his home. He can pretend he’s stopping in to a Giordano’s before the big game without ever leaving his house. Even during the off season he gets his taste of Chicago to reminisce about all of his past trips to see his team play.

Your Friend Who Blogs Every Meal

She spends half an hour perfectly plating her crustless quiche made with smoked salmon and goat cheese. She spends another 30 minutes taking the perfect photo of the culinary masterpiece. And she documents it all on her world-famous — or at least locally noted — cooking blog. She may put your boxed macaroni and cheese to shame, but that’s no reason to leave her off your Christmas shopping list.

Indulge her with one of these gifts for the foodie in your life:

• A specialty kitchen gadget: Surprise her with a fancy new kitchen tool like a mortar and pestle or a chocolate shaver. Snoop through her kitchen the next time she invites you over to see what she already has. Then sit back and wait until photos of your new gadget — and the delicious dish she makes with it — show up on her blog.
• Spice mixes: Don’t know your Herbes de Provence from your Baharat? No worries. Just wander into your local kitchen or spice shop and you’re sure to find plenty of spice mixes. Add in some specialty salts and flavored olive oils to round out the gift. Toss it all in a basket, and let your foodie friend do the rest.
• Classes: You can’t beat the gift of an experience. Give your foodie friend a certificate for a cooking class. Choose a type of cooking class outside her normal style to broaden her horizons. Maybe she’s always wanted to learn the secrets of pastry chefs, or perhaps she wants to spice things up by mastering Indian cooking. If she has her own blog, a photography class can help her improve the look of her blog even more. Consider joining her for the class as a way to bond. You may just give her a run for her money in the culinary world after a few classes.
• A night off: Just because she’s a master of the kitchen doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate a night off. Send her an easy meal with a Giordano’s pizza delivered to her home even if she doesn’t live in Chicago. We suggest the spinach pizza: Spinach as a pizza topping screams sophistication, and any foodie can appreciate that.

Your Dad, The King of Bad Dad Jokes

Who has two thumbs and tells the worst jokes ever? Your dad! And you love him for it. Your friends all laugh at his jokes not because they are actually funny but because they are so ridiculous. And that’s okay because he gets a kick out of the attention. He even performed his amateur stand-up routine at your graduation party — against your wishes.

But how do you choose the best Christmas gift for the jokester who gave you life? Here are our suggestions for dear old Dad:

• An ugly sweater: We did tell you to steer clear of the ugly sweater aisle. But your dad is a rare gem, and he needs a gift just as quirky as he is. Chances are, he can rock any ugly sweater you throw at him. Not only that, he’ll love it. It just may be his favorite gift. With the popularity of ugly sweater parties, you can find some pretty sweet — and ugly — holiday sweaters brand new. Or you can go the classic route and search through local thrift shops for an authentic ugly sweater. If you look hard enough, you may even find an ugly Christmas sweater from the 80s in your dad’s closet. Box it up and put it under the tree for a trip back in time.
• Joke gadgets: You’re never too old for a whoopee cushion or a hand buzzer. Or maybe your dad needs a new joke book to expand his humor horizons. At least you won’t have to hear the same joke for the hundredth time. Whatever his type of humor, embrace it with a humor-related gift.
• A hobby: Every dad has some sort of hobby outside of his floundering stand-up career. Encourage his other talents with hobby-related items. Get him a bird watching guide. Buy him a new tool for his woodworking hobby. Or maybe he needs a new cookbook to inspire his budding home chef skills. If you’re not sure what your dad does when he’s not telling ridiculous jokes, make a visit and watch what he does. Or just ask your mom. She knows everything.
• Silence: This is more of a gift for you. If you just can’t take one more bad dad joke, a Giordano’s pizza could do the trick: During those glorious moments while he’s eating, you’ll get a reprieve from those jokes.

Your Mom, Who Rivals Martha Stewart

She can make a gourmet meal out of a can of tuna and cheese crackers. Give the woman a hot plate and she’ll crank out a five-course meal. That time you forgot to tell her about the school bake sale until an hour before it started? She came through with the best darn homemade cookies on the table. And let’s not forget about that homemade costume she whipped up when you landed the role of Tree Number Two in your third grade play.

She’s always been there for you, so now it’s time you find the perfect holiday gift idea for her. One of these ideas may be just what she wants:

• A cleaning service: She’s cleaned the kitchen more times than you can imagine. Trust us: She never enjoyed washing your laundry as much as you thought she did. She’s done her time. Treat your mom with a cleaning service. She may fight you at first, but after someone else cleans up her house a few times, she’ll likely be hooked. Before long, she’ll have the cleaning service coming every day while she takes up yoga.
• A trip to the spa: Just like the cleaning, a trip to the spa gives your mom a break from her never-ending list of mom duties. It may take her some time to settle in and embrace the relaxation, but she’ll thank you by the end of her massage.
• Peaceful family time: What would you say if we told you one of the best gifts you can give your mom costs nothing at all? Moms dream of peace and harmony across the land — or at least within the walls of their own homes. So put aside those petty differences and sibling squabbles. Rally the troops and plan a day full of family bonding. And don’t forget to do the activities mom enjoys, even if that means you wind up painting pottery or playing board games all day.
• A night off from kitchen duties: Are you noticing a theme here? Moms work hard, and they deserve a break. Whether her entire brood still lives at home or she’s enjoying the empty nest lifestyle, give mom a break from her servitude in the kitchen. A Giordano’s pizza is an easy option. The pizzas are so easy to reheat even your pop can do it to ensure your mom gets that break she deserves.

That Neighbor Who Always Knows Your Business

It starts innocently enough. She comments on someone who visited or how late you got home from work the other day. Before long, you’re certain she keeps a log of all of your comings and goings right next to her night-vision enhanced binoculars.

We all have that one nosy neighbor who likes to know what’s going on. She may even try to stir the pot a little. But she’s part of the neighborhood, and you don’t want her to feel left out over the holidays. A Giordano’s pizza fresh from her own oven just may keep her occupied long enough for you to sneak out without being noticed.

Or you can just buy her a new pair of binoculars. Maybe she’ll get the hint.

Your Girlfriend Who Lives at Sephora

She owns 20 different makeup brushes and has a specific use for each one. She can give a 30-minute monologue on the difference between bronzer, concealer, foundation and powder. People ask her for makeup recommendations at the cosmetics counter because her makeup looks so good — and she doesn’t even work there.

It’s tough to buy for the beauty queen who knows everything about cosmetics. But we have faith in you. Here are some fun Christmas gift ideas for her:

• A staple from her favorite cosmetics line: If you can get close enough to her makeup kit — which is likely closer to a makeup suitcase — you have an in. Check out her favorite brands, shades and products. You’ll know it’s one of her favorites if it’s down to the bottom but she still holds on to it. Write down the names and colors. You may think you’ll remember, but all that makeup starts to blend together and look the same under the bright lights in the cosmetics aisle. You’re sure to get an A for effort even if you come home with something other than her usual.
•  Makeup applicators: A beauty diva can never have too many makeup brushes, sponges and other assorted gadgets. Are you still snooping in her cosmetics bag? If so, look for makeup tools that look like they’ve been through some sort of beauty war where the ammo comes in pretty pastels with a hint of glitter. Take note of the brand, style and shape of these tools so you can replace them with newer models. Better yet, snap a photo. Don’t worry — you won’t be the first boyfriend to walk into Sephora waving a photo at the nearest employee.
• Spa treatment kits: Tread lightly with this one: That age-defying wrinkle-reducing cream and brush set may send her in a downward spiral over her age. You don’t want to spend Christmas consoling your makeup-loving girlfriend that she doesn’t have her mom’s crow’s feet and of course she’s just as stunning and wrinkle-free as the day you met her. Instead, opt for a more general spa treatment kit that says, “You’re the love of my life, and you deserve this day of relaxation. And also this gets me out of a trip to the spa to get our monthly manicure. The guys always make fun of me for that.” But maybe leave off that last part.
• A romantic dinner for two: Treat your beauty queen to a romantic dinner for two. With all those holiday parties and family gatherings, she’ll love the one-on-one time. Lack confidence in your culinary skills? A stuffed pizza from Giordano’s is simple enough for anyone to cook at home. She’ll wonder if you channeled an Italian grandma to whip up the romantic meal. Don’t worry. We’ll let you take credit for this genius move.

Your Little Brother Who Is Always Broke

Maybe he’s a broke college student who scrounges quarters from the couch. Or maybe he graduated long ago but never really gave up the broke college student lifestyle. Whatever the reason, you can always count on him to ask you for $20 when you see him. You gave up ever getting that money back long ago, but that doesn’t mean he should be cut from your Christmas gift list.

You could always stuff cash in an envelope or load him up with gift cards. But you’ll never really know if he’ll use it for something important or blow it on a night on the town. A care package with all the essentials is a useful Christmas gift that covers his basic needs. Or you could feed him for a few meals with a Giordano’s pizza, a huge step up from those cardboard-like frozen pizzas he lives on. Order him the sausage or pepperoni: He can use the extra protein to supplement all that ramen he’s been eating.

Pizza for Everyone on Your Holiday Shopping List

 Chicago fans, foodies, sports fanatics: Regardless of who is on your holiday shopping list, a Giordano’s pizza brings a piece of Chicago home for the holidays. Each Giordano’s stuffed pizza is made to order, baked and frozen before being shipped to your U.S. location. With a little prep work and time in the oven, your gift recipient is on the way to a piping hot Chicago pizza without a trip to the Windy City.

You won’t have to worry about the recipient regifting this one-of-a-kind holiday gift. Whether you go for cheese, sausage, pepperoni or spinach, your gift will become Christmas legend, to be retold for years to come.